From Cancer Patient to Whatever Comes Next
The fall equinox was yesterday. A day of the year when the sun is not tilted toward or away from the sun. This positioning of the sun happens twice a year, the spring and fall equinox. It is when the sun crosses the equator and the hours of daylight are nearly equal to the hours of darkness. This transitional time is made even more potent as it was preceded by a solar eclipse Sunday afternoon, ushered in by a new moon Sunday night, and aligned with the start of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. The convergence of these events in a 24 hour period makes it feel like the universe is shouting at us to pay attention to the wisdom that the natural world holds.
The spiritual significance of this rare convergence is profound. The equinox offers balance; a reminder that if we lean too hard in one direction or another we lose our center. The solar eclipse brings the mystery of the unseen. To have faith in what is there, even if it has not revealed itself to us yet. The new moon marks renewal, a chance to plant seeds of intention. And Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, calls us to pause, reflect, repent, and recommit to the life we choose to live.
For me, the timing could not feel more relevant. I have one more infusion left in my 13 month breast cancer treatment journey, and I find myself standing on a threshold, stepping away from active treatment and into the next chapter of this journey. I do not know exactly what the other side of treatment will look like, but I do know that in order to walk into it with intention and focus, I need to honor the transition from the reality of the last year to who I am actively becoming post cancer diagnosis.
Yesterday I spent a day at Green Gulch at a yoga retreat and felt the grounding and wisdom of nature, the supportive community of the 13 women who were there with me, and the guidance of one of my teachers, Kari Marble. The day provided the blueprint to reconnect with myself and my body’s intuitive wisdom. An intentional pause to move, to breath, to reflect, to let go, and to find my anchor so that I can have faith in the unknown as I move forward.
Ending up in a retreat away from my normal life, my schedule, and responsibilities on such a cosmically and spiritually auspicious day honors the shifts that I have been making in my life since my diagnosis. One of the things I have realized on this journey is how disconnected I was from my body, the innate wisdom that lives in all our beings, and the cyclical rhythms of nature and how they affect us. I have been actively creating time and space to reconnect to myself and to the natural world.
For the last 10 days I have been feeling low energy and a lack of motivation. At first I focused on my treatment as the reason. But as I stepped outside each morning last week to greet the day and do my start of the day routine, I realized that the sun was rising later and the long days of summer were a thing of the past. The transition to fall is all about turning inwards and conserving energy. Moving towards putting to rest the parts of ourselves that have been so active and outward during the summer months. Just like the trees begin to conserve energy, letting go of what no longer serves them, we too are invited to slow down, simplify, and honor the cycles of nature within us. When we are disconnected with nature, we forget that it takes more energy this time of year to keep up with our daily lives that do not slow down at any point of the year.
Instead of judging my lower energy, I’m learning to see it as a seasonal shift. An invitation to rest, restore, and realign. What feels like lack of motivation is often just my body asking for gentleness, grounding, and more quiet space. I am leaning into slowing down, scheduling less, more grounding movement, and nourishing breathwork.
As I stand on the threshold of thrivership post treatment, I am looking to nature to guide me and show me the way. From the fall equinox I will focus on listening to my body and finding balance as I slow down to prepare for winter. From the solar eclipse I will acknowledge my shadow self and what the unrevealed has to teach me. From the new moon I will embrace the cycle of endings and beginnings. And through Rosh Hashanah, I will honor my ancestors by practicing repentance, clearing space for the new and abundant opportunities that are just around the corner.
