How to take the power away from your negative emotions and begin to learn how to interact with them instead of react to them.
I have never had surgery before, so recovering this week from my mastectomy has definitely been a new experience. The first 4 days were all about managing the pain, which all things considered, was not horrible. Definitely uncomfortable and a lot of pressure in my chest if I moved at all, but not as painful as I assumed it would be seeing as I had a body part removed.
As the pain subsides, the meds from surgery wear off, and I start to settle into my new reality, I have begun to realize the long road I am on in terms of my recovery from major surgery and with my cancer treatment in general. The physical challenge I am now encountering is listening to my body and slowing down. With minimal pain, I feel like I can be doing more. I feel like I should be doing more. As I reach to extend my right arm and pick up my water glass, I think to myself, I am doing this slowly, this is fine. And then by the end of the day, my arm is achy, the area in my armpit where the drain goes inside of me is irritated, and I am feeling defeated and oh so very tired. The amount of healing that is going on in my body is something to honor, not ignore and push through. But I am feeling inadequate that I can not do more right now.
In every postnatal mommy & baby yoga class I teach, I guide my students to be patient with their postpartum body. The more they listen to their body and take their recovery slowly, the stronger they will be in the long term. Why is it so easy to give advice and yet so challenging to take our own advice and give ourselves the grace we afford to others?
When I sit and meditate on that question, I realize the answer for me is that I feel like I SHOULD be doing more. And part of the reason I feel this way is that our society tells us to get up and get going – push through adversity, try harder, get stronger, check your email, answer your texts, make that dentist appointment, you can do it all! Getting shit done and staying on top of our responsibilities does have its place in our lives, but only when it does not keep us in a state of low grade stress. When we are centered and focused and dialed into the task at hand, we can get a lot done. But the challenge with this mindset all the time, is we end up barreling through life and feeling inadequate when we slow down. Most of us, even when we have a moment to pause, are on our phones, looking at our email, checking social media, or answering a text message. When do we take a pause to turn our concentration inward, take a couple of breaths and drop into our physical and mental selves for a check in?
As I am forced to slow down and pay attention to my thoughts, it turns out there are some slightly uncomfortable feelings that come up for me. The biggest one being I feel like I have no control over anything in my life right now. My body and how fast it is healing. My ability to make myself food or coffee or tea. All of my parenting responsibilities – getting the kids up and ready for school, fixing them breakfast, lunch, dinner. So when we slow down, and uncomfortable emotions arise, how can we process them?
One way to do this is to practice the mindfulness technique of observing and noticing our emotions. Try taking a breath to help stabilize and calm your central nervous system, and then label the emotion. Attaching a clear descriptor can help take the power away from that feeling. Then try to locate where in your body you are feeling this emotion. Recognizing the physical sensation an emotion brings also establishes a connection between your mind and body. Focusing on the physicality of an emotion can make it increasingly observable. Which can be helpful so that the next time you feel this physical feeling, you can label the emotion and process it sooner.
Once you have labeled your emotion, you can then start to ask yourself non-judgmental questions about how you are feeling: How intense is this feeling on a scale of 1-10? Was this a gradual or sudden onset? Is it familiar? How comfortable is the feeling? After an emotion has been labeled, recognized in your body, and understood without criticism, you have the agency to decide if you are motivated to act. This practice can help you from reacting when something triggers you.
Embracing emotional experiences and using them to navigate our world adds depth and dimension to understanding ourselves and others. Observing them closely and inviting them to guide our thinking and action can be incredibly empowering.
But in order to practice this technique, we have to allow ourselves the time and space to quietly sit and see what comes up for us. And not be scared of uncomfortable feelings. We always grow the most when we are presented with challenges and let ourselves sit in these darker moments.
In the week since my surgery, I have felt relieved that it is behind me. I have felt frustrated that I can not do more. I have felt powerless as I have had to relinquish control in just about every aspect of my life (although this is temporary), and I have felt gratitude that I have an outpouring of love and support from so many people. And because I have been forced to slow down, I have been able to observe and process all of these emotions and not spend time holding tight to feelings that are not serving me. And what has been reinforced is the fact that if you can sit in your uncomfortable feelings and process them, it takes the power from the negative emotions in your life, and allows you to move through the dark into the light much quicker.
