Turns out anyone can get cancer
As I begin to tell people about my breast cancer diagnosis, the response I have heard more than anything is “You?? But you are so healthy??”. And do you know what? Before I knew what I know now about breast cancer (which was next to nothing) since I was diagnosed in early August, I probably would have said the same thing!
Turns out that anyone can get cancer, even if you are healthy and following the general guidelines of “how to avoid cancer” – eat clean, keep toxins out of your home and body, work out, drink less or not at all, manage stress, meditate, use a water filter. I speak from experience as I was doing all of those things, although the last year I was not prioritizing stress management or self care as much as I probably should have been, but neither do a lot of people, so is that really the straw that broke the camel’s back? And what does “healthy” really mean? As a mom of two young children, I commonly feel stressed and overwhelmed and like my central nervous system is on the fritz . . . did that negate all of the water I drank or the sugar I avoided or the yoga I practiced? Are we talking mental health? Spiritual health? Energetic health??
I have decided not to dwell in trying to find the “why” in this experience, what I maybe did wrong to have my cells feel like I was not supporting them. That is not going to serve me as there will never be a clear answer and that thinking will get in the way of my recovery. What I can do is pause and decide what my definition of health entails, and how I can better live my best life. How can I learn and grow from this experience?
I truly believe everything in life happens for a reason, and the universe only presents challenges to you that you are ready to rise up to meet. I do not know what this breast cancer journey will teach me, but I am surrendering to the process of growth and transformation by committing to being open, honest, authentic, and vulnerable to this experience.
As a pre and postnatal yoga instructor, I stand on my mat three times a a week and advise my mamas and mamas to be to meet themselves on the mat where they are in that moment. To ask for support, because we are not meant to be isolated in our lives, especially during challenging times. To be vulnerable and to embrace the darkness as well as the light when it comes to experiences we encounter that have steep learning curves (parenthood, a cancer diagnosis). So who would I be as a teacher if I did not take my own advice? Maybe the first lesson to lean into is the one the universe is so obviously presenting me – “Alright yogi – you talk the talk, now can you walk the walk??”
I am writing this blog to process my thoughts, maybe share some insight into what a breast cancer diagnosis and journey look like, and to leave a record of this transformative opportunity for my two young kids to read when they are older. I also hope that maybe this blog can offer support for anyone who was in the dark about breast cancer as much as I was before my diagnosis.
I do not want to be seen as a sick person, or view myself through the lens of a sick person. The first few days of my diagnosis were really confounding. When your life changes in an instant, the lens that you view the world through shifts. And there is not a new focus right away since it is not a shift you ever saw coming and there is no way to immediately process the magnitude of the change. You feel off center – questioning your very understanding of who you are.
About a week after I found out about my cancer, I read a word that really resonated with me and immediately allowed the blurry lens I was viewing life through to shift back into focus. And that word is Lifequake. Defined as:
“A significant, sudden and unexpected shift in the trajectory of your life that initially feels devastating but has the beneficial outcome of catalyzing personal growth, transformation and rebirth.”
My cancer diagnosis is my lifequake. A beautiful opportunity to take a deep dive into what makes me healthy and whole – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I know that this is not going to be an easy year, and it will come with its ups and downs and its hardships. But my goal is to go through this experience being completely open to the growth and transformation that can only come when you surrender to the universe and all it divinely has to offer.
