How do you let go of a part of yourself and not view it as a loss?

Two days ago I had a single mastectomy. The first step in my cancer treatment. It went well – I was successfully de-boobed and re-boobed with an implant. My right breast has no more breast tissue which hopefully means that the cancer will not recur. Last weekend I had to make the decision about prophylactic removing my left breast as well, and let me tell you, it was an excruciating choice to have to make in a very short time period. Since I have no genetic markers of cancer and no family history, there was no medical advice to consider when making this decision. I had to weigh the pros and cons on my own.

Pros: reduce my anxiety of getting mammograms and waiting for results, reduce the recurrence of cancer in the left breast.

Cons: Harder recovery, higher chance of complications from multiple incisions, lose feeling in both breasts.

Each time I would think about the pros and cons, I would change my mind about what I wanted. I was meditating on it, sitting with my inner knowing, hoping I would feel a strong conviction one way or another but I could not clearly land on an answer. And just as I was about to toss a coin to make the decision, an email popped into my inbox from the one blog I had signed up for on Substack, Cancer Culture titled “Why Are We Treating Anxiety with Surgery?” There was a study mentioned that even when you take off a healthy breast as a precaution, the mortality rate of breast cancer stays at 16%. That was the piece of information that tipped me towards a single mastectomy. Why would I cut off a healthy body part if there was no data to support longevity?

And receiving that email felt like a sign from the universe. I had been silently hoping, asking, staying open to guidance and the exact moment I needed that email, it showed up. It just reinforces to me that there are signs all around us, we just have to have an open heart and mind to invite them into our consciousness.

Once I decided on the single mastectomy, I felt at peace with my decision and ready to get the show on the road. I had a week to get strong and support my body before the surgery. Along with my team at Kaiser, I am working with a Naturopathic Oncologist who put me on a cancer diet – 9 cups of vegetables and 65 grams of protein, no sugar, low carb, and supplements to reduce inflammation and promote healing.

And since I am approaching this cancer through a holistic lens, I knew that some sort of bless and release ritual was going to be important for me in order to go into the mastectomy with positive energy and the acceptance of letting go. Nature does not operate in a vacuum. When something is taken away, or dies in nature, something springs up in its place.

On Thursday, I sat on my deck surrounded by nature, and wrote down everything I was ready to let go of that was no longer serving me. What kind of limiting beliefs have I been holding on to? And am I ready and willing to let some of them go? I wrote down everything I wanted to get “off my chest”, spent a moment thanking these attributes for how they had served me at some point in my life, and then I burned the paper as I blessed and released that part of me.

I then wrote down a vision of my life and all of the love, gratitude, joy and health I want it filled with. Something was removed from my body and that decision was dictated by what would be best for me medically, but I have a choice to take part in actively creating my future and everything that I want to manifest in my life. That piece of paper will be kept close at hand throughout my recovery to remind me of my own power when it comes to creating the life that I want to live.